Lessons in sharpening your mentality to improve your life
Your future is always determined by what you’ve learned from the past. 2022 was a tremendous year of learning for me. Here are some deeper reflections on things I’ve learned over this past year:
- What does your heart say?
As a founder of a company coming back from the brink of covid, there were many decisions to make this year. I spent a lot of this year seeking validation from my trusted group of colleagues, advisors, and friends. I found myself often ‘spinning’ with such varied advice, which threw off my internal compass.
I found a new strategy instead: take time solo to reflect, and trust yourself. Make decisions based on what you think is right based on all the factors that you know. Then feel free to go to advisors to make sure there isn’t anything you missed. If you did miss something, then go solo again and rise and repeat.
2. There is no such thing as “single tracking” as a founder.
With limited resources at your disposal, there is a tendency to bias yourself to a particular path as being the best/only path you want to go down. There are two sides to this coin. On the one hand, single focus makes you more effective and efficient. But on the other hand, you may be deciding on something that you don’t have control over.
I found a new strategy instead: don’t trust a path as being the “only one for you” until it actually materializes. Until then, you must keep the balls in the air.
3. Be wary of “secondary advantages”
When picking paths or making decisions, it is easy to fall into the trap of secondary advantages. I.E. I want to pick this person/path because I think they will be excellent AND there is this extra secret advantage that I think will help. That secondary advantage may unduly bias you and throw off your decision making.
I found a new strategy instead: make selections based on the direct benefits. Be ruthlessly honest about these direct benefits. Secondary benefits may not play out as you anticipated and could hurt you.
4. Trust and verify
Building organizations is a complex multivariate equation. So often you work hard to come up with a decision framework, and then you make the decision, and second-guess that decision throughout the journey. This creates a lot of pain.
I found a new strategy instead: trust your decision making framework and the decisions you made. Give those decisions the blessing of your faith and positive energy. And of course, continue to verify progress through check-ins and updates. Only allow new data to change your path.
5. Map out the full picture to achieve results
We often try to do “one hard thing” and have hopes that this one thing is going to produce the results that you seek. The truth of the matter is that there are a series of steps that will be required to achieve the result. For example, you may try to lose weight through intermittent fasting. But unless you combine that with exercise and a measured lunch, you will not achieve the goal.
I found a new strategy instead: identify the one hard thing you need to do but also be very clear about the rest of the ingredients you need to achieve the outcome. To achieve results, you need the hard thing (i.e. forcing function) with a series of other smaller hard things as well.
6. Get control over time without it controlling you
Time is the most limited resource in our lives, but yet, spontaneity brings joy and makes us feel human. It’s easy to lose so much vital times in our lives: heads down in our phones, spending hours checking apps, and just losing time in the monkey mind. This is stealing time from enriching times for our health and loved ones.
I found a new strategy instead: It wouldn’t work to completely eliminate the monkey mind activities but the idea is time boxing. Schedule blocks for the things that matter to you, then allow yourself to be spontaneous within those time blocks.
7. Which wolf do you feed?
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me.” He said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you — and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
The big mentality shift for me this year (and this is still a work in progress) is to feed the wolves of positivity and avoid allowing my mind to go to the negative, paranoid, and stressful thoughts. Expect positive outcomes, and constantly feed visions of the best outcomes you wish for you in your life. Don’t ignore the worries as it makes them louder. Take the message from those worries, understand the lesson, make the adjustments, and then go back to feeding the positive.
8. Seek Great Questions
We’re trained to try to seek answers. It’s how we’ve been we learned in school. But actually all the great human movements started by those who dared to ask new questions. You can spin yourself in circles trying to seek answers, especially when there are no single answers or no easy answers
I found a new strategy instead: focus on questions. Take in all the context, deeply reflect and understand, and formulate the highest quality questions you can ask. It will help you deepen your relationships and get ahead in your pursuits.
9. Waiting is a gift
In business, you have to spend a lot of time waiting for the answers you seek. It can be the most agonizing and painful part of the process. I found myself throughout the year going in circles and losing my patience.
I found a new strategy instead: look at waiting as a gift. But it’s a gift you must embrace. Spend that waiting time doing enriching things for yourself, diversifying (i.e. trying new projects), and spending time with the people you love. It’s hard to do this because waiting can be so painful. But it’s so worth it to divert your attention to things that bring you joy.
